


Let my words explain

by GillyJeans21



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GillyJeans21/pseuds/GillyJeans21
Summary: Sometimes, accepting your own advice is not so easy. Jean thrives in helping others communicate, but fails miserable in her own life. Putting pen to paper, she tries to explain her actions in a letter.
Relationships: Jean Milburn/Jakob Nyman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Let my words explain

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Sorry it has been a while. This is just a little one shot on how I imagine Jean trying to explain her actions. No plans for further chapters as I am working on a very NSFW/Rated Adult!!! story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and I will be back with more soon. 
> 
> Let's also pray season three is out soon so I can get more inspiration.

Dear Jakob, 

I don’t know where to begin, but I guess here is better than nowhere. I realise my revelation last week was a shock, I didn’t know how to react either. I wish I could have said more in that moment, but I wasn’t sure if I could hold myself together long enough to say what I needed to, so I thought writing down what I need to say would be the best place to start. 

Having another child at this stage in my life was never the plan. I always thought I was lucky to have Otis and I was only ever meant to be a mother of one. But finding out I was pregnant again, although so scared and shocked, I felt an immense sense of joy at the possibility of becoming a mother once more. To be able to experience those milestones in a child life, to love another being unconditionally. 

I wanted to write to you to apologise. Firstly, for kissing Remi. Considering I lived for fifteen years with him while he cheated on me multiple times making me feel unloved, inadequate and about as small as can be, my actions were irresponsible, hurtful and selfish. I have put you through a pain that I struggled to survive myself. I wish I could go back and never let it happen, but it has and all I can do now is apologise profusely for my actions and hope that one day you can forgive me. 

Secondly, I am sorry for not being more open during our relationship. I had grown used to my independence, for no longer relying on a man, so when I found myself falling madly in love with you, I began to panic. Even as I write this, I know how silly that sounds. I never really explained to you the things I went through with Remi, not in detail. I am not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me, only to try and explain why I am the way I am. 

I knew for a long time that Remi was cheating on me, with multiple women, and I never said a thing until Otis caught him. I had been so independent until I met Remi, an independence I had taken pride in for a long time, but an independence I didn’t always want to rely on. I wanted someone to be there for me, something I had very little of growing up. Independence can be joyous and free, but we all need to rely on someone sometimes. I thought Remi would be my person to rely on, but he only made me feel alone. When I finally grew the courage to leave him, I reverted back to the independence I had before I met him. The me that was independent and in control. I didn’t trust men, I only trusted myself. I allowed these feelings to take over my life and they prevented me from having another chance at love. When I met you, I felt something I hadn’t felt before and it scared me. When I finally told you that I felt the same, I was excited. But it all became overwhelming because I wasn’t open and honest. It seems ridiculous that I can fail so miserably at something I drill into my clients. 

Lastly, I want to apologise for this situation I have now put you in. You have made it clear that you cannot look past my actions, you have been nothing but open and honest with me and I threw it back in your face. You should be allowed to move on and find a woman who will treat you with the respect and love you so deserve. Instead, I am now tying you to me forever. 

I do not expect anything from you, nor do I expect you to be in this baby’s life if you do not wish to be. You didn’t ask for this and I respect that. If, however you do choose to be a father again, I am asking you if we can please maintain a civil relationship for our baby. I have already put one child through a divorce and strained relationship, I cannot let this baby go through such things. 

I promise to work with you as parents and not against you, and to maintain communication always. I will agree to any custody arrangement you see fit, and I will work to better myself. 

I am sorry things have ended this way, and I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. 

I really do love you Jakob, but I will respect your wishes. 

All my love, Jean. 

x


End file.
